“What the new year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the new year.” - unknown
First, I want to say that I'm SORRY. I know this post is very late but I finished writing it and decided not to post it, because it felt too personal and I didn’t know if everyone would relate. But I’m going to go ahead and post it anyway.
A few years ago, I noticed that at the beginning of each year, fresh and inspired after my new year reflections, I’d have an exact picture of what I wanted the new year to look like.
And then, as time passed and I got lost in the routine again, I forgot.
Not exaggerating, if I started the year with 5 lessons from the past year to keep in mind, by the time a few months had passed, I didn't remember even 3 of them.
So how do I live in accordance with something if I don't remember what the thing is? How do I grow as a human and lead a more mindful life?
That's why I started writing out each year, my “guidelines” for the year.
Some years there are 3, some years 10.
This year I was able to come up with 21, simply because 2020 was a big turning point in my life and the isolation gave me time to delve deeper into who I was and what I wanted from life. While all of these points are true to me and align with me, I can't give equal priority to all and still live a calm and mindful life. The purpose of me sharing so many is so you can pick what aligns most with you.
And I'm sure different points will hit home every time you read it (assuming you will read it more than once), depending on what phase of life you’re in.
So my point being, I make these guidelines for myself every year and this year, I’m sharing them with you too. You may not agree with some of these and some may not apply to you, but you can use this as inspiration, pick what you like, and make it your own. This is a list based on my growth journey just in 2020.
Also, a lot of these are quotations of other seemingly cool people, some tweaked by me and some not.
You can come back to read this any time you’re stuck in a rut and need some inspiration. I know I’ll be coming back whenever I need a reminder, be it on a low day or just as inspiration before starting a new week.
On that note,
1. Don’t wait for inspiration, Put yourself in a place to be inspired.
Beauty exists. Inspiration exists. All around you. The sun rises every day. You can choose to wake up for it. People share their lessons. You choose to pick it up, or you choose to dismiss it. You chose to put yourself in a place to be inspired. (you’re here, aren’t you? halfway there ;).) But also actively choose to make sense of this, to adapt this, and let this inspire your thinking.
2. Work is more satisfying
Laziness may look inviting and may seem more fulfilling, but only work gives you true satisfaction. I’ve found this to be so true, because when I work, I know I’m in control and it feels like I have my shit in order, and nothing else matters anymore. Then day to day drama seems irrelevant. So, on a bad day, when it feels like nothing would make you feel better, I know you don't want to work, but getting work done will make you feel better. Try it out.
3. Self-control is strength.
Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don't allow others to control the direction of your life. Don't allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence. People think it's okay to project their mood swings onto you. Of course, it's not. But you can't always do something about it. So you have to be stronger. Pay attention. Know when someone is being unreasonable and shirk that shit off. It's not on you. DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE'S MOOD SWINGS AFFECT YOUR MOOD.
When you fully understand how often people cope with their insecurities, fear, and unresolved issues by projecting negativity onto you, you’ll quickly learn not to take the things they say or do to heart. Those are their issues, don’t give them permission to make them yours.
4. You can't skip chapters.
That's not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won't enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don't want to read, but you will also have moments when you don't want the pages to end. You have to keep going. Stories keep the world revolving. Live yours, don't miss out.
5. A lot of times, we are angry at other people for not doing what we should have done for ourselves. Stand up for yourself, you don't need someone else to do it for you. If you want a new purse for your birthday, gift it to yourself. Don't wait for your friends to guess that that's what you want. Want flowers? Go get them. It's overrated, these grand gestures from other people. Sure, it's sweet. But you got your own back bro. Everything you want, you have the power to give to yourself.
6. Be a good person, but don’t waste time trying to prove it.
People see what they want to see, and people see what they are woke enough to see. Most people can’t even see themselves as what they really are. How do you expect them to see you for what you really are? Don’t waste your time. Stay true to how you want to be and how you are and let go of thinking about what you seem like to people. Despite how open, peaceful, loving you attempt to be, people can only love you and see you and know you as deeply as they know, see and love themselves. That is how life is.
7. Your 20s go by fast af.
Enjoy that shit fr. Have fun, make memories, take trips. Have as much fun as you can because life is passing you by. Experience every aspect of what it's like to be young and carefree and don't make excuses to avoid your youth. Before you know it you will be 30 and old and referring to your twenties as your young days. These are your young days. Stop being scared to live. Get that piercing or tattoo. Break those rules. Live how you want to. An ass whooping is temporary, memories are forever. If there's even a slight chance that something will make you happy, risk it. Life's too short and I think you should just fucking do what makes you happy.
8. Living comes with people's disapproval.
It's a package deal. Either you have people happy with you, or you live according to your whims. You can't have both.
The way I think, at the end of the day, I’m answerable to myself about how I've lived. And I know that I would rather live the way I choose and risk a couple of people being mad at me and disapproving, than do nothing because what if my parents get mad and what if a,b and c think I'm a xyz. So if I choose to do something, I have made a choice. I've chosen to live. So I don't get to bitch about people being mad and not understanding then. It's my choice. And it's not a perfect world. This is how it is.
9. Being in the moment means being comfortable with not knowing.
It means being okay with the uncertainty of the future while living in the current moment. Not rushing to find the answers that are not meant to be revealed to you today. Stay your age. Don't try so hard to have everything together. We’re young. We’re supposed to be lost. Nothing wrong with that. Don't rush to settle yourself and don't try to skip past feelings of uncertainty. Feel it. It's okay.
Wherever you’re at in life, don’t treat it as a transitory period. Don’t waste your college years wishing to graduate. Don't waste your single years wishing for someone to be in love with. Don't neglect your present wishing to be anything but where you are because that time will come so live the time that you are in now.
10. No one cares for your success, so you have to care. You have to force yourself to get up early, you have to force yourself to turn your phone off and revise and workout. It’s your life, your dreams, it will be your success but it all starts with your desire and effort. It starts with you. Don’t wait around to see what others are doing. This is your journey.
11. Don’t listen to criticism from someone you wouldn’t seek advice from. Everywhere you go and everything you do, people are full of opinions. Their intentions aren't bad, but not everyone thinks the same way you do. So, think for yourself. The only criticism you should take is from someone you esteem enough to seek advice from.
12. You cannot change the people around you but you can change the people you chose to be around. You cannot change the people around you but you can change the people around you. Read it twice. Let it sink in.
13. I’ve found that growing up means being honest. About what I want. About what I need. About what I feel. About who I am. I mean, even if it’s unreasonable. Even if it’s wrong. Be fearlessly honest. Your truth is your truth. Stop trying so hard to sound like an ideal human. Be honest, but don’t stop working on yourself.
14. The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It's the day you set yourself free. Doesn't matter who thinks you're good enough. Are you good enough for you?
15. Feed into your curiosities. Google random shit, expand your knowledge, and don't think about where you will use it. Seriously. Grow ur mind. Study. Read. Not because you have to and not for a test, but because knowledge is something that no one can take from you. It enhances you and grows you. It's not for your degree or your teacher or your parents. It's for you. Take interest in things and always be hungry to learn and grow.
16. Show up.
Going out of your comfort zone requires courage. Show up even when you’re scared. Start before you have all the answers. Put yourself out there. In different situations. BE OUT THERE. Just get up, and get out of your comfort zone. Life isn't about only going where you should go. It's about spontaneity and passion and curiosity and stimulation. It isn't about half doing, half loving, half living and abiding by societal rules. You know this. What's stopping you? When you’re old and shriveled do you want to look back and say that you did and gave the bare minimum? You owe yourself more than that.
17. Life's too short to be embarrassed by little things. Wear that outfit everyone else thinks is ugly, it's okay if you made a fool of yourself, it's okay if you said too much that one night after drinking. Whatever it is, it's okay, dude. Everyone has these moments. You think it's just you? It's not just you. So as hard as it is to get over the cringe, you can choose to just let it go. Shit happens. Sure, judge me. I'm not going to judge myself. It's okay. Everyone does shit.
18. You don’t have to be hairless to be feminine.
You don’t have to have a nice voice to sing your heart out.
You don’t have to be wanted by people to be desirable.
You don’t have to have the perfect body to be smokin' hot.
You don’t have to sell yourself short for anything or anyone.
And not everyone can have you, so it’s okay if there are people who don't want you.
Destroy the idea that you need to be good at something to enjoy it. Sing offkey, draw poorly, write badly. You don't have to be good at something to love doing it. Being just as you are is more than good enough.
19. You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you just use your future to escape the present.
20. Living life to the fullest includes living it fully. Find your passion, but also put your heart into everything you do. Make the most of each second and level up the hustle, only to completely zen and chill the next day. It's being okay with not fitting into a box. It's knowing you deserve to laugh and love and live. It's doing what you want to no matter how stupid you look. It's about being yourself because no one can tell you're doing it wrong. It’s seeing the beauty in your breakdowns because feeling any emotion at all is what makes life so special.
21. At the end of the day, win or lose, high or low, unscathed or with 19 broken bones, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing, after all the bullshit life hands us, is reason enough to celebrate.
There you have it, a very very long blog post. If you made it to the end, let me know which point clicked with you right now.
I know that 2020 was very different from any other year in a million ways, but personally, it was everything I needed it to be. I’m super grateful for all the growth opportunities I've had and for every struggle, because I love who it's made me. I think for once, I’m genuinely at peace with every aspect of my life. I do think these guidelines really helped me overcome a lot that was bothering me, so I genuinely hope it helps/inspires you too.
Did you miss the blogs?
The blog missed you too <3
Bye xx
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